How The Forever Letter Came To Be
The Forever Letter was inspired by the medieval tradition of the ethical will where parents would write to their children to pass on their values. These parents wrote with a sense of urgency, on the off chance that this was their last opportunity to communicate their values. In Hebrew, ethical wills were originally known as tze-vah-oat, commandments, and some were even written in a commanding tone.
When I was 14, my father handed me an ethical will he had written to me and my siblings. It had a profound impact on me when I first read it, and it continues to impact me as the years move on. My father did not command his values; rather, he expressed his values and hopes. He even shared some of his weaknesses. What touched me most was his vulnerability. He was more vulnerable than I had ever known him to be.
For years I spoke, taught, and offered workshops on the topic of ethical wills before I realized I was actually in the process of creating a new kind of letter. A letter that we can write at any point in our lives to anyone we choose to communicate what matters to us most. One way to begin this letter is to ask ourselves the question: What do I most want to share about myself, the person I am writing to, and the relationship we share.
Over the years, I have seen unresolved hurt in friendships and in family relationships. I have seen loved ones torn apart, and some no longer remembering why. I have seen people so disconnected that they don’t know the hearts of the people closest to them. I have also seen people who are close, and connected, and appreciative of their mutual love and support. In all of these instances, I believe we can heal, uplift, and deepen our relationships through the writing of forever letters.
What Can You Write?
To Whom?
You can write to your grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren, siblings, other family members, friends, colleagues, teachers, students, mentors. You can write to anyone who matters to you.
When?
An incentive can be a milestone for either you or the recipient like: falling in love, marrying, becoming a parent, receiving a job offer, graduating, reaching a special birthday, retiring. Life’s critical junctures offer another opportunity: divorcing, getting laid off, receiving a life-threatening diagnosis, living through the death of a loved one. You can write anytime. You can write now.
How?
In The Forever Letter, you will find guidance on how to increase your chances of being heard, and exercises to help you mine the deep place within where your authentic material lies. You will be able to read some forever letters, find stories of how writing and receiving forever letters were transformative, and be inspired to write your own.
The Forever Letter™
Authentic connection with ourselves and with those we love.
“I love this little book because it’s about writing real letters, a lost art in our time. Even more important, it’s about writing letters that matter to people who matter to us. What could be better than putting words to paper to tell people who we are and what we are becoming, and what it is that we cherish and value—thanking them for the way they helped point us toward our own North Star?”
“More than any time in our recent history, it’s critically important for families to come together and share their love and support for one another. Elana Zaiman’s The Forever Letter offers tools, guidelines, and examples for grandparents and parents to share their love, respect, and values with the next generation.”
“Elana Zaiman has a mission: She loves connection, deep and personal, and wants others to experience the sweet joy she has lived of shared truth-telling. Her forever letter embodies the passing on of wisdom, humbling experience, dreams, and love from one person to another. It is a beautiful concept that all of us should embrace.”
“The Forever Letter is an exceptional book. Rabbi Zaiman offers moving stories and profound insights that have the potential to enrich, even transform, your most important relationships. It’s a book to read and give to members of your family.”
“Step by step, Elana guides us to bring the essence of who we are to the page.”
“Here is a book to help you clarify your deepest values, and transmit them. Rabbi Zaiman shows us how to leave not a legacy of possessions, but the legacy of a life.”
“In her beautiful book, The Forever Letter, Elana breathes critical life back into the healing art of letters. With joy and insight, she shows us how to use the written word to heal our relationships and live with greater intention. It is the perfect gift for our hectic and frenzied hearts.”
“The Forever Letter is one of those rare books that could change your life. It is chock full of stories—from the author’s own life and from the lives of hundreds of people she’s worked with—that will inspire readers of all ages to reflect on what and who is important to them and to express these values and this bond in a letter to a loved one. The author’s gorgeous writing is mesmerizing and intimate and insightful and will get you writing even if you are no writer.”